Sometimes...

After a long day at work, I REALLY wonder if it's all going to be ok. Am I crazy for wanting to work in a place where I sometimes get SOO busy I forget to even go to the bathroom until I get home at night?

Some days, DEFINATELY.

Some days I spend my time commuting desperately trying to dream up other jobs I could get that would make things easier.

I am in AWE of people that do it all. I can BARELY get out of the house with 2 matching socks. I frequently worry that I'm going to run outthe door in my slippers and realize while I am waiting for the train that I forgot to change. I have a WHOLE new set of standards when it comes to organization and cleanliness. Really, how often do people that work all week actually clean their bathrooms and wash their floors. It's not like I'm there to dirty it anyway. Right?

I don't know. I miss Lola when I am at work. I miss that I'm not here to make her baby food and watch her learn new thinks. I'm sad that I miss the little changes that happen EVERY single day. I miss going on long walks, rolling around on the floor and singing the same damn nursery rhyme that she loves sooo much.

But,

I DO appreciate not talking about "pee pees and poo poos" all day. I like having a little bit of my time when no one needs me to do anything and I can just.. sit.. or listen to music... or READ. I like that work is a place I am not "Mama", just Marie-Paule at ext 2449, who is probably not at her desk because she is running around a studio trying to get stuff done.

Is that selfish?

I'm TRULY happy
but I wish...
I wish

it was just a little bit easier.

That I could cook dinner and not feel rushed and starved at the end of day. That I had time to take photos again and paint my living room a colour I actually like. That I had time to do yoga and go for a run....